17. April 2026

A Counselling Journey - Why I said no to counselling.

My name is Lynda Peters, and I am the owner and founder of Spread Your Wings Therapy.

Over the last 12 months, I’ve shared content around the benefits of counselling and the reasons people choose to begin their journey. But before becoming a counsellor, I was once someone who was offered counselling… and said no.

At the time, I was going through a very difficult period in my life. I didn’t want to talk about how I felt, and I didn’t believe counselling was something I needed. Instead, I chose a different route — joining a bereavement support group.

My intention was simple: if I focused on supporting others, I wouldn’t have to focus on myself.

I was present, I listened, and I tried to help — but I began to notice that my way of supporting others often involved giving advice, sharing opinions, or comparing their experiences to my own. Over time, I came to understand that this isn’t always what people need.

People don’t necessarily need solutions or answers. They need to be heard.

The Turning Point

That realisation led me to explore counselling more seriously.

In 2021, during lockdown, I enrolled on a basic counselling skills course. It was completed remotely — even by post — which, looking back, feels quite different to how we learn now. At the time, it felt like a safe way to explore the subject without fully stepping into it.

What I learned during that course changed my understanding of support.

I began to understand the importance of:

• Listening without interrupting or directing
• Allowing others to express themselves freely
• Supporting without advising, fixing, or rescuing

Despite this, I still felt resistant to the idea of being a client myself.

Becoming a Counsellor

That curiosity continued, and I progressed onto further training. In 2024, I qualified as a counsellor.

However, the journey between learning about counselling and becoming a counsellor was not straightforward.

A key part of my training involved attending my own counselling sessions. This was both challenging and necessary. It required me to move beyond familiar responses such as “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” and begin to explore my thoughts and feelings more honestly.

Tools such as the feelings wheel, which once felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable, became a way of understanding and articulating emotions I had previously struggled to express.

Through this process, I developed a deeper awareness of:

• How past experiences shape our responses
• The impact of learned behaviours
• The importance of emotional understanding and expression

What I Learned About Support

One of the most important things I learned is that support is not about:

• Giving advice
• Offering solutions
• Fixing or rescuing

Support is about:

• Being present
• Listening without judgment
• Allowing space for someone to understand themselves

Listening is an active process. It involves noticing not just what is said, but how it is said — tone, body language, and the emotions behind the words.

It also means recognising that people are capable of creating change within their own lives.

Counselling Today

In my private practice, I continue to see how powerful this process can be.

Clients often come to counselling feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or unable to put their thoughts into words. Over time, with the right support, they begin to:

• Understand themselves more clearly
• Feel more confident in expressing their thoughts and feelings
• Set boundaries that reflect the life they want

Counselling is not about having all the answers. It is about creating a space where those answers can begin to emerge.

A Realistic Perspective

Counselling is not a process that ends with everything neatly resolved.

Counsellors do not have everything figured out.

We are human, and we continue to reflect, learn, and access support ourselves when needed. Having a space to speak openly — without pressure, expectation, or the need to explain everything from the beginning — remains just as important.

Closing Reflection

This journey has shaped both my personal understanding and my professional practice.

It has shown me that:

• Vulnerability can lead to understanding
• Support does not require perfection
• Meaningful change comes from within

If you are considering counselling, you do not need to have the words, the answers, or a clear starting point.

You only need to begin where you are.

This blog is intended for general reflection and understanding. The views shared are based on my experience as an Online Private Practice counsellor. The information shared is not intended to be a substitute for individual counselling or professional advice.

Lynda Peters (MBACP)
BACP Registration Number: 411958
Shropshire | West Midlands

I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), which means I follow a recognised ethical framework for good practice. This ensures my work is supported through regular supervision, professional standards, and ongoing training, so your counselling experience is held within a safe, ethical, and professionally guided framework.